The best way I can describe is hope is like a pain killer, it doesn't take the pain away per-se, but it makes it easier to deal with. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and that has made the past two years very difficult to deal with, questioning why things happened the way they happened. This time too, could be just a mirage, but the hope is there.
I still blame myself, deep down, for what happened, no matter how many times I'm told otherwise and despite the fact that it wasn't my fault . . . I don't think. So, needless to say I have never forgiven myself which makes this all the harder, being afraid that I will mess up my precious second chance. Even though I believe everything happens for a reason I also believe that you can throw away what you are given if you are not careful. It may seem contradictory to you but it makes sense to me . . . .
On a closing note, I would also like to say that Christ's Atonement is the ultimate hope, and I know without it, I don't know how I could go on living.