If I Were . . . .

To describe in one word how I feel right now, it's "exhausted." This single word goes further than to just describe my physical state, it also is an apt description for my emotional condition. I don't seem to have the appropriate energies necessary for any kind of activity short of sleeping. This, however, creates a problem since I have lots that needs to get done, both socially and academically. It's almost like every meaningful thought is covered in vaseline and is far too slick to hold on to.

I shall cease my dribbling.

{Peace}

Yet Again . . . .

Another year has come and gone and the only word I can come up with for this year is "Disappointing" I know that's an unhealthy attitude towards a whole year, but it seemed to just go down hill from the beginning. Besides my four A's and one -A in school, I'm not better off than last year.

A harsh blanket statement, I know, but it's true. I spent too much money, I didn't reach any worthwhile goals, the only new friends I made this year have (almost) all left and/or I'm not going to see them much due to living arrangements and my dating goals have, apart from some late progress, were almost untouched. But I guess that could be classified under the "goal" category. To be blunt, goal progress has been absolutely terrible. In fact, I took a step backwards from most of my goals.

There is a lot of uncertainty in my future since my plans that I have had since I was a 10 year old has been thrown into the spiky pit of doubt and has been locked in until further notice.

This future of unknowns is troubling, especially with the compounded problem of not having enough money.

Due to the personal nature of my goals I won't post them here, but I can say that I want the word of 2011 to be "fulfilling." I want to start living my life and get rid of this void that has been my personal demon for far too long. No one can tell me how to live my life or how to be happy.

That is all.

{Peace}

The Fruits of My Labors . . . .

Here 15 hours straight of work . . . . There are 4 different versions, let me know which one you like the most! I Know it's not that amazing, but I kept hitting snags. I am happy with the result though. I put in everything I wanted to, more or less. Let me know what you think!!!!

The simplest one:
http://bwhite2.php.cs.dixie.edu/xml/xmlproject.html

This one and the two with music have a hidden video in them! Can you find it?! There is also something else you can click to hide and pause the video!

http://bwhite2.php.cs.dixie.edu/xml/xmlprojectvid.html

With music:

http://bwhite2.php.cs.dixie.edu/xml/xmlprojectsnd.html

Alternate music:
http://bwhite2.php.cs.dixie.edu/xml/xmlprojectsnd1.html

I could use suggestions for different songs too, but no lyrics. I hope you enjoy what I did.

{Peace}

This Song Gives Me Goosebumps . . . .

Every time I listen to this song, it gives the wonderful swooshing feeling in my stomach that I get whenever I experience something beautiful. I thought I would share.

P.S. You should also go to my website and click around. I need the hits for my final presentation! Much appreciated!

http://bwhite2.php.cs.dixie.edu/vt3000/php/final/home.php

P.P.S. The movie that this piece of music if from is called "Sunshine" and I would HIGHLY recommend it. It's a very good, but very sad movie. And before you get mad at me, it's cleaner than most movies out there.

I'm Thankful For . . . .

Hope. There are always bits of life that strewn with misfortune and pain but then there always comes one of those crossroads that if nothing else offers a glimmer of hope. At this current crossroads I know that what I hope for probably won't ever be, but it's the possibility that keeps me going.

The best way I can describe is hope is like a pain killer, it doesn't take the pain away per-se, but it makes it easier to deal with. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and that has made the past two years very difficult to deal with, questioning why things happened the way they happened. This time too, could be just a mirage, but the hope is there.

I still blame myself, deep down, for what happened, no matter how many times I'm told otherwise and despite the fact that it wasn't my fault . . . I don't think. So, needless to say I have never forgiven myself which makes this all the harder, being afraid that I will mess up my precious second chance. Even though I believe everything happens for a reason I also believe that you can throw away what you are given if you are not careful. It may seem contradictory to you but it makes sense to me . . . .

On a closing note, I would also like to say that Christ's Atonement is the ultimate hope, and I know without it, I don't know how I could go on living.

{Peace}

CSS Is An Unwieldy Beast . . . .

But once tamed, it is a powerful tool. I feel bad for all of those who have had to learn CSS in a short of time as I had, the road was paved with frustration, to say the least. But now I know it, it will make life easier. Much easier.

It should also be noted that if I didn't have a natural aptitude for computers and code, I doubt I could have done it.

http://bwhite2.php.cs.dixie.edu/css/index.html

Enjoy!

{Peace}

And now . . . .

Without further adu, I present to you my grand masterpiece, my movie website, in all its shining glory.

http://bwhite2.php.cs.dixie.edu/final_fantasy_VII_ACC/Final%20Fantasy%20VII.swf

Nuff Said . . . .

{Peace}

P.S. If you haven't seen this movie, than shame on you! :P